Why Am I Obsessed With Planes?

Because I hate them

I love planes.

I spend hours a month watching plane videos. I can talk to you about the benefits of the A350 (awesome) over the 777 (meh). I have strong opinions about cabins and classes I have never and probably will never fly (Singapore first is just classier than Emirates, you know?).

I also obsess over travel days.

If I’m going on a trip, I’ll look up the cabin and plane I’ll be on and watch every video available on the internet of that flight. I’m flying to LA tomorrow from London and I’m pretty sure I could board and find my seat blindfolded.

I use an app that recommends light exposure and nap times to help deal with jetlag. This app will rule my life for the three days preceding any international flight.

Snacks and their timings are planned (if you’re not flying business, never trust the food). Games and movies are loaded onto devices (in flight entertainment is just as untrustworthy as the food). Outfits are chosen (crocs, my best undies, bamboo socks, cotton t-shirt, marino wool jumper; comfort trumps aesthetic). There will be a backup of everything in my backpack including multiple layers of redundancy for any conceivable charger or cable.

I am a plane person. An AV-geek even!

But, why am I like this?

The simple explanation is that I have autism and I am simply obsessed with planes.

The real answer, I think, is that I have autism and I am terrified of planes.

Planes are cramped, they smell, the temperature is never right, and the noise sucks. I only have limited mental resources to deal with those things. I have memories of twenty four hour journeys from Sydney to London where I felt physically in pain simply from the sensory stimulation.

I don’t like to drink so I can’t numb with alcohol. Amie isn’t any help because she has this weird ability to fall asleep for the entire flight.

There are also so many social rules. I read threads on reddit about how many inches you’re allowed to recline. Whether you’re allowed to take your shoes off or not. What to do if you’re in the window seat and you need to pee.

Planes are actually the fucking worse. I hate them.

I think I watch hundreds of hours of plane videos as a way to soothe my anxiety about travel.

Maybe if I prepare perfectly, I will avoid the pain. Maybe if I have the right kind of noise cancelling headphones, I won’t get overloaded (unfortunately, the trade off is always between hot ears and loud noises, both of which suck but loud noises are probably a bit worse). Maybe there’s a way to travel that is just easy and fun.

And yes, I’ve even forked out for business class tickets I can’t afford to try to lessen the overstimulation. It barely worked. The food was a lot nicer and the seat was comfier but there’s still something hot and oppressive about the whole exercise.

I actually do love planes. And I hate them. I’m glad they exist, and I also fantasise about travelling the world by boat.

They help me connect to my family on the other side of the world for the price of one really unpleasant day.

This is really just an extended personal journal entry that I’m attempting to soothe myself before my three upcoming long-haul flights (alas, no business class).

I’m grateful to be able to fly, but I also hate it.

And I guess that’s just a lot of things in life.