To everyone who commented, messaged me, or spoke to me in private at one of our US events about this article. Thank you so much. I am so grateful for you. I feel like I've left it too long to reply individually. But thank you for seeing me.
Just loved reading this. And thought of my husband, and an endless amount of warm drinks and food that he has brought right up my nose when I was in ‘the flow’ 🥰 thank you for sharing this!
This made me associate two different things with what you've so beautifully touched on here!
1. Motherhood. You could have written this about 95% of the world's mothers or primary caregivers. All your findings and advice are so applicable to motherhood/parenthood. I am a 24/7 "support person" for my kiddo.
2. My husband and I are both creatives. We are both performers. Sometimes one of us is "doing more" than the other. When that happens, we've learnt to naturally assume the support role for the other person.
James, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing this. I am also a “rock,” and although my person needing my support and “rockness” isn’t necessarily an artist, his job does require a good bit of creative thinking, last minute pivots, endless days and nights away from home (while I’m here juggling children and home stuff), and needing of a sounding board and hot meals etc when he IS home.
It is exhausting. And also, this is where I excel in my own creativity. Finding solutions when problems arise due to pivots or last minute throw-out-the-whole-schedule events is my forte. Anxiety through the roof? Check. Lack of being able to control anything, really, from my post of manning the phones and a calendar written in jello that sometimes veers into burn out? Also check.
But this is where I find myself and where I’ve intentionally driven to. It feels like home here, being this rock. There’s nuance in the rockiness of this place and thank you so much for writing about it and giving us all a voice as we support our shining stars.
This is really interesting! Both I and my partner are writers (with jobs alongside) so I'm thinking about how this works for us. I think we split it equally, each one picking up the slack and providing the support if the other has stuff on, whether that be writing stuff or life stuff. But we are fairly similar in temperament and both equally ambitious - and it sounds like you and Amie are quite different -which is probably really helpful for your business! (I dream of being so vibes I don't check stats but I am not and probably will never be that person! )
Is this a bit different for you because Amie's success is crucial to your joint business? So in fact you are both running the business but as you say she is in the public eye and you are running the backstage stuff? But presumably she would do the same for you when it becomes your time to launch a book?
One thing that occurred to me reading this is that I get a huge amount of support from close friends and writer friends, which helps lighten the load on the other half when there are busy and stressful times happening. But again, because you two are running a joint business, it makes sense that you would be feeling the pressure just as much.
Thanks for writing this, I think it's a really useful thing to spell out how your relationship works and how it does take a team effort to get things running smoothly!
Wow, I wish I could articulate how beautiful this was to me. Was it because it was written from a man taking pride in being the support person and gave that me hope for humanity, it was incredibly relatable, or gave me permission to stop over-functioning and just breathe? Probably all of those things. So grateful you spent the time to write it and always grateful for how authentic you are.
Oh James! You said it all - Thank you for your vulnerable reflection and wisdom. I know you didn't write that 'just for me'....and as a rock, I now feel very seen.
May you feel the support of countless ones as you continue onward. All of us 'rocks' are cheering you forward!
Thank you so much, I am an artist and AuDHD women, with some special daily challenges. My partner is my rock, always being there when I fall apart, always reminding me that I am brave to show up to the world. Thank you for reminded me how much I can be grateful for him being in my life, and also that we both have the responsibility to fill our own cup.
James, thank you! I’m sure you just said what a lot of ‘rocks’ feel, I know it described my world!!! I remember a placement test I took in highschool, that aligned me with a ton of ‘repair’ jobs. All sorts of them, but all ‘repair’. I was so mad, because I wanted to be an inventor, the person MAKING things. Turns out, I am a support person, and repairing almost anything IS my calling. My day job, solving Construction challenges. Afternoons and weekends, helping keep the family farm afloat, and at home, I support my wife, much like you, but not on the professional level.
Its common that the ‘little’ things get forgotten, until you forget to close a gate, or don’t make dinner. So I like to celebrate that ‘things going smoothly’ is a superpower that only some of us possess!
This is SO important. I think this is my husband, and I think he will feel so seen when I send this article to him. We met in high school, and since a very young age I was full steam ready to be an artist and take on the world. From day 1 he supported the crap out of me, and has always been my “rock”. The rocks in the world are the real true reason that the frontliners can even do what they do. Having that person to constantly hug, feeling like the hug is always there. I feel safe to be an artist because I feel supported. Art is all about deep human connection, after all. This topic is so much bigger, and no one has thought to write about it. But you did, and it’s going to help others! I even see the bestie of the frontliner feeling so seen. Thanks for sharing this perspective 💫So so important!!
Thank you for posting this, James, I have no rock but immediately related this to my life as a single mum of four, 3 of which are adults, 2 of which are artists in progress, like myself. I am neurodivergent and experiencing a burnout episode, and through that, realising that relaxing and rest is so important, should not come last every time. I'm sure you understand. Yes, caring for yourself and your person are both important. hooray for the smoothies and dinners ! I love to cook and know how important this has been for my family, gathering around simple home made meals and having a little peaceful time with one another. And trying to give them the best foods to show love that way too !
To everyone who commented, messaged me, or spoke to me in private at one of our US events about this article. Thank you so much. I am so grateful for you. I feel like I've left it too long to reply individually. But thank you for seeing me.
I got no words 🥹
Just loved reading this. And thought of my husband, and an endless amount of warm drinks and food that he has brought right up my nose when I was in ‘the flow’ 🥰 thank you for sharing this!
Hi James,
This made me associate two different things with what you've so beautifully touched on here!
1. Motherhood. You could have written this about 95% of the world's mothers or primary caregivers. All your findings and advice are so applicable to motherhood/parenthood. I am a 24/7 "support person" for my kiddo.
2. My husband and I are both creatives. We are both performers. Sometimes one of us is "doing more" than the other. When that happens, we've learnt to naturally assume the support role for the other person.
Thanks for sharing!
James, from the bottom of my heart, thank you for writing this. I am also a “rock,” and although my person needing my support and “rockness” isn’t necessarily an artist, his job does require a good bit of creative thinking, last minute pivots, endless days and nights away from home (while I’m here juggling children and home stuff), and needing of a sounding board and hot meals etc when he IS home.
It is exhausting. And also, this is where I excel in my own creativity. Finding solutions when problems arise due to pivots or last minute throw-out-the-whole-schedule events is my forte. Anxiety through the roof? Check. Lack of being able to control anything, really, from my post of manning the phones and a calendar written in jello that sometimes veers into burn out? Also check.
But this is where I find myself and where I’ve intentionally driven to. It feels like home here, being this rock. There’s nuance in the rockiness of this place and thank you so much for writing about it and giving us all a voice as we support our shining stars.
This is really interesting! Both I and my partner are writers (with jobs alongside) so I'm thinking about how this works for us. I think we split it equally, each one picking up the slack and providing the support if the other has stuff on, whether that be writing stuff or life stuff. But we are fairly similar in temperament and both equally ambitious - and it sounds like you and Amie are quite different -which is probably really helpful for your business! (I dream of being so vibes I don't check stats but I am not and probably will never be that person! )
Is this a bit different for you because Amie's success is crucial to your joint business? So in fact you are both running the business but as you say she is in the public eye and you are running the backstage stuff? But presumably she would do the same for you when it becomes your time to launch a book?
One thing that occurred to me reading this is that I get a huge amount of support from close friends and writer friends, which helps lighten the load on the other half when there are busy and stressful times happening. But again, because you two are running a joint business, it makes sense that you would be feeling the pressure just as much.
Thanks for writing this, I think it's a really useful thing to spell out how your relationship works and how it does take a team effort to get things running smoothly!
Also, books launches are hella stressful! I wrote a tongue in cheek post about my debut launch here https://theunstoppableauthor.substack.com/p/how-to-throw-a-book-launch
Wow, I wish I could articulate how beautiful this was to me. Was it because it was written from a man taking pride in being the support person and gave that me hope for humanity, it was incredibly relatable, or gave me permission to stop over-functioning and just breathe? Probably all of those things. So grateful you spent the time to write it and always grateful for how authentic you are.
Oh James! You said it all - Thank you for your vulnerable reflection and wisdom. I know you didn't write that 'just for me'....and as a rock, I now feel very seen.
May you feel the support of countless ones as you continue onward. All of us 'rocks' are cheering you forward!
Thank you so much, I am an artist and AuDHD women, with some special daily challenges. My partner is my rock, always being there when I fall apart, always reminding me that I am brave to show up to the world. Thank you for reminded me how much I can be grateful for him being in my life, and also that we both have the responsibility to fill our own cup.
James, thank you! I’m sure you just said what a lot of ‘rocks’ feel, I know it described my world!!! I remember a placement test I took in highschool, that aligned me with a ton of ‘repair’ jobs. All sorts of them, but all ‘repair’. I was so mad, because I wanted to be an inventor, the person MAKING things. Turns out, I am a support person, and repairing almost anything IS my calling. My day job, solving Construction challenges. Afternoons and weekends, helping keep the family farm afloat, and at home, I support my wife, much like you, but not on the professional level.
Its common that the ‘little’ things get forgotten, until you forget to close a gate, or don’t make dinner. So I like to celebrate that ‘things going smoothly’ is a superpower that only some of us possess!
Have fun on the signing tour!!
This is SO important. I think this is my husband, and I think he will feel so seen when I send this article to him. We met in high school, and since a very young age I was full steam ready to be an artist and take on the world. From day 1 he supported the crap out of me, and has always been my “rock”. The rocks in the world are the real true reason that the frontliners can even do what they do. Having that person to constantly hug, feeling like the hug is always there. I feel safe to be an artist because I feel supported. Art is all about deep human connection, after all. This topic is so much bigger, and no one has thought to write about it. But you did, and it’s going to help others! I even see the bestie of the frontliner feeling so seen. Thanks for sharing this perspective 💫So so important!!
Amie is neurodivergent, is she not? If so this post makes a lot of sense.
Yep she has ADHD!
Thanks for clarifying :)
I love this, and will share it with my support person!
Thank you for posting this, James, I have no rock but immediately related this to my life as a single mum of four, 3 of which are adults, 2 of which are artists in progress, like myself. I am neurodivergent and experiencing a burnout episode, and through that, realising that relaxing and rest is so important, should not come last every time. I'm sure you understand. Yes, caring for yourself and your person are both important. hooray for the smoothies and dinners ! I love to cook and know how important this has been for my family, gathering around simple home made meals and having a little peaceful time with one another. And trying to give them the best foods to show love that way too !
This is a beautiful post! (And remembering my own «rock» whom I am so grateful for.)
Thank you for saying this! It is important not to forget about your own mental health, dear support person 🙏